Back when I changed my name, started trying to be true to myself, etc., I think I may have thrown out the baby with the bathwater. I was so determined to quit trying to be a perfect Mormon housewife just for the sake of fitting in that I also foolishly quit doing things I genuinely enjoyed.
It’s kind of like when I first met Joe. All my friends were telling me how perfect we would be together, and I was so annoyed that I’d made up my mind not to like him and not to go out with him. It finally occurred to me that not doing something just because everyone was telling me I should was as foolish as doing what they said for that reason only. So I decided to go out with him and see what happened. And the rest, as they say, is history.
So right now what I don’t have is money to spare. What I do have is plenty of flour. I bought a jar of yeast a few days ago for less than the cost of a single loaf of bread. And now I have two loaves of bread in loaf pans, sitting on the stove, covered with a dishcloth, silently doing their work and rising. In another couple of hours, I’ll have two loaves of piping hot bread, and I’m going to slice off the heel of one loaf, slather it with butter and jam, and thank my Heavenly Father for blessing us.
I do like to cook, and bake. I’ve let myself get so busy with other things that I forgot about those small pleasures. And since we followed the counsel of the prophets, at least in this one thing, we have plenty of food storage from which I can prepare good meals. I spent about $9 today at the farmers’ market on some fresh peaches, an apple, some green beans, some cherries, and a nice onion. Dinner tonight will be stir-fried vegetables with strips of steak left over from last night.
I also realized that even though I declared a moratorium on crafts those years ago, I actually do enjoy doing some crafts. And does it really matter if I can’t do something perfectly, or if it doesn’t measure up to what I’d wanted to do? Why should I let my perfectionist standards keep me from doing something badly, as long as I enjoy doing it?
So I’m back to allowing that part of myself back out into the light, and I may be baking more and I may make some jam and I may do some dreadful crafts. And as long as the bread’s good and there’s light and life and love in my house, that’ll be just fine.
